... To have a gentle and quiet spirit is to have a heart of faith, a heart that trusts in God, a spirit that has been quieted by his love and filled with his peace. Not a heart that is striving and restless. A woman in her glory, a woman of beauty, is a woman who is not striving to become beautiful or worthy or enough. She knows in her quiet center where God dwells that He finds her beautiful, has deemed her worthy, and in Him, she is enough....
Captivating By: John and Stacy Eldredge Pages 134-135 ( For a  link to the book click here  )

     Wow what words! They get me right to my center! I read this book back in 2005-2006 during a very very hard time in my life. Since I was a child I longed to be looked at as beautiful. Doesn't every lil girl? Now that I have a lil princess I understand the things that have gone on and do go on in my hearts mind. 

     My parents are divorced and tho they love and loved me very much this makes for a hard place for a lil child's heart and mind to grow up in! The confusion can seem endless to a child's heart. Wanting to be held tight and feeling like your heart is just out there for the wind to take. Having Jesus there with me was my safety, He kept me close and saw me for who I was and what I could be, because I was mostly rough on the outside.

     So I came to know Him as my safety and the one that I could ALWAYS count on. But for some reason I did not and still struggle with the thought that He likes me. In my life I have had a lot of people that love me maybe because they HAVE to. But do they like me? Do they think kind thoughts of me? Do they find me as a blessing or a curse in their life? Weird I know! My heart asks am I beautiful to you?

     Then the Lord gave me a great gift. One that I thought was far out of reach. Luke Stasi. He not only  loved me but has and continues to help me see and understand how the Lord feels about me. Luke later in our relationship, but not to much later, :) told me that the Lord had shown him that I was like a pearl in an oyster. Now there are many things about this that are true :) But it made my heart jump! Could it be that the Lord finds me to be beautiful? And not only Him but someone here on this earth to love me?  But how could it be I have made way to many stupid mistakes... But He is faithful even when we are not. 

     So why do I still struggle with striving to be beautiful? It's like a sickness in my hearts mind. Jesus holds me and tells me that He loves me I just have to believe it! I have to not care what only some men of this world think and I have to believe the God of the universe.
" You have stolen my heart, my sister my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace... You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon."
Song of Songs  4:9,15
She is so cute! This was my proud princess on her 2nd B-day :)

And don't be fooled lil boys ask the same question. Am I good enough?
Hope that you are doing good and being loved. Jesus never leaves :)


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