I have noticed in my pondering on time and things of importance how much life can vary. I may be giving birth while someone else has died. One person may be sick while another is getting over a sickness. Someone could be saving a persons life while another is taking someones life...And so on it goes. Solomon talkes about this in the bible. There is a time for everything under the sun.
Our life over the past two years has been craziness. Full of good, bad, and ugly. Our family has gained good from these things and bad. So now that we are coming up on a new year and a new chapter I guess I find myself yet again, seems like I am always doing this, evaluating and making adjustments.
Back to the time thing again... I guess what really got me thinking about this, and does every night as I lay down to go to sleep, my kids. How much one on one time did I spend with them? How many times did I yell and freak out? How many times did I say, "Mommy can't right now hunny, go play."? Where did I spend all my time? I mean yeah I am home with my kids all day long. I cook, clean, wash, feed, kiss, spank, hug, clean, and clean...oh I said that. But is that all that my time consist of. Oh and of course checking fb and other odd things here and there. Is that wrong? I am sure that a huge part is just TIME management. Then add ministry and friends and some kind of a love life...Where is the time?
My son Judah has been very difficult for a while now. I know that it is my fault as a parent, it always is remember that! My husband and I have reevaluated over and over again what we should and should not do. We have succeed lots of times in crossing off the list what to not do and to do. We went through a hard time with Haddie as well, BUT every kid is different. A lot of the same rules apply, but it's not a one size fits all thing. For this I am grateful it is what makes each of our children unique yet it is, in my opinion, one of the hardest things. Why? Because every personality, mind, and heart is different and as a mom I want to be aware of this in each of my children while still raising them to be disciplined, godly, kind, loving people.
So I guess all of this has got me thinking about my time. Maybe what I am saying, to myself mostly, is that when I am spending time doing something 1. make sure that it is worth my time 2. be purposeful with my time, be in the moment.
Luke and I were watching the movie Super 8 and in that movie the boys mom dies. Later he is watching a home video of her with his friend and he says something about his mom that I can't get out of my head. He tells his friend that when his mom would look at him she would really look at him. He says that he felt real like he was really there. That is how I want to make my kids feel. I know what it feels like to be a kid and feel like the adults in your life don't want you there. I NEVER want my kids to feel that way.
So yeah, this is just what I have been thinking about lately....What has been on my heart...Who I am today makes who I am tomorrow...
I took these pics of Haddie when she was two, as a self portrait, of myself. Get it?