A Rock and A Very Hard Place

April 2, 2012

     I find myself in this place of extreme blessing and heart ache at the same time. A place, that I am sure we are all at from time to time, of just where I want to be and far from it! There are things in my life that make my tootsie pop heart so very happy and so very sad. I find my hands to be strong and my knees to be week, just like Adele said, at the moment. I guard myself and run for the battle with tears running down my face.

I wrote this to the Lord last night and thought that I may trust you enough to share...

My heart feels wild as my mind runs with it
You have always been there, You have always lead
Wide Open Spaces, dreams and desire
call my name
My mind runs like my lungs breath, 
why?
Why do my thoughts go so deep?
Am I over thinking?
I envy the one who can not care, I envy the one who can just let go
I need to breath you in
I need your presence to become one with my thoughts
Can I trust my own heart?
I think NOT!
For though it leads strong and loud, it runs wildly in a thousand and one different directions
I NEED, oh so desperately I need, to be steadied, to be held 
Even if we are spinning around and  around
at least your holding tightly.
What desires are true and good, what are from you?
I am like a forest over grown and weighed down.
Let the fire come so I can grow anew, strong and true!
Come to me while I sleep. 
Speak to me there in that space and time, in that intimate place
I give myself to you, have control!
My trust is yours and so with it my fragile heart and also my life.
Trust is yours, you so deserve it, but hold me gentle for I am unsure.


4 comments:

  1. You , my dear , are a Wild Mare. You beg to be bridled,to be brought under control, but your heart wants to run. To investigate everything , but then nothing all at the same time. This is the type of person the L-rd loves to use! One that has the passion and the desire to be free and to be wild .....in Him ! Warriors... the one's with wild passion , are the ones that history has shown victories are won by! It takes that unbridled courage to walk this life. With G-d's harness on you .... You get the freedom to run wild with Him by your side. But then knowing that he's right there ... making sure you stay close to Him . G-d can really use those type of people. In fact ...I'd venture to say that the greatest , solid , life changing things come from those who feel the most wild ! Look at Paul ..... need I say more??? :0) I love you ! And on this Path of finding yourself ..... I pray with all my heart ... that I'm there to see you when you do find you ! It will be one of the most spectacular sights to be hold! The mountains you will move in His name, gives me goosebumps! Look to the mountains of Zion!

    "I will lift up my eyes unto the hills, from which comes my help" .Psalm 121:1 ;0)

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    1. Mel...thank you! You make my heart smile :) <3

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  2. I love that you shared your prayer. "I find myself in this place of extreme blessing and heart ache at the same time." - This resonates so much with me, because I am there all the time. There's just SO MUCH, of everything, when we allow ourselves to feel it. "but hold me gentle for I am unsure". I love that line too. The picture following that line is exactly how I think God holds us, so precious, so full of love.

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  3. Thank you so much Rebecca... and yes I think you are right!

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