Sunday, December 30, 2012

Heart Issue


I am having one of those moments where I want to write but not about any one thing.
Why is there so much pain?
Why do people have to be cruel?
Yet I am loved and so thankful for what I have been given.
Wanting things, yet feeling so continent.
In a place where I am so busy but somehow desperately trying to hold on to the simple things and slow down and smell my babies :) and love the one next to me.
It would seem like I am crazy, maybe I am 
but lately what I have been going through in theses ex-stream opposites 
blessing and life, and sadness and death
and with them the emotions and heart throb or ache 
wanting the words to say, wishing I knew them on the level of perfection and love 
left feeling powerless and strange 
I guess it could be likened to being in the middle of the woods
feeling life all around you so beautiful and breath taking 
the trees so tall and majestic, the sun popping through just enough to cause little pockets of beautiful light, casting the perfect shadows
the birds in their nests so safe and sound, so happy that they sing out loud
aww... peacee
Yet that same place can have snakes,spiders, ticks
you can get lost not know where left or right really is
any animal that came for you may have an easy go at it
so many unknowns 
When the sun goes down all things beautiful can turn into something fearful and ugly
life is such a precious thing.

There are a few things in my life right now that directly effect me but I have no control over.
This, as you all may know, can be a very hard place to be in!
But we must walk in faith anyway, despite weather or not there is clarity or not.
We may not understand all that is on the other side and the things that we find comfort in may be the very things that are hurting us, that are holding our dreams at an arms length or more away.
We must, must let go! Brittney you have to let go, take a deep breath and trust.
 Trust your Jesus you gave your life to.

It's a choice to choose to see the good. In our self's and in others and in our circumstances.
A choice that only we can make. That only I can make.
Stress tries to over take me, but that's just not trusting, that's all.

So going into this New Year I want a clean slate, a bigger heart and the strength to carry it, to forgive and forget, to trust and NOT stress. I want all curses gone, thicker skin, for sure. Bad things will happen and I will grieve and then, move on!! To keep myself focused on Christ and not let the bad circumstances around me drowned out all the good ones! To stop putting my heart and trust in those who only hurt me! And most of all, I want to LOVE, I want to love MY unlovable and that includes my enemies and myself.
Thanks for listening/reading. What do you hope for this New Year?  What are you going to work towards to better you and your family and those around you?
Love
B

2 comments:

  1. How EXTREMELY beautiful this whole post was. I loved reading it, and thought it very poetic too. May God bless you in this year and help guide you as He's been doing!
    +Victoria+

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  2. I understand the struggle for balance between gratitude and joy and the things that really wear us down. I am in that place right now. You are never alone. Always keep reaching out. we are in this together, whether it seems like it or not!! So much love to you Brittney. Thank you for being vulnerable - it encourages us all to do the same and helps us connect. With love... Brooke

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