Things here are well in a word C R A Z Y! I am trying with all my little might to learn to maintain peace in the mist of what seems like chaos! Last week was the youth conference and once again it was well, beautiful! To watch youth go after the Lord together with you is such a blessing! All the weeks and months and hard work and prayer was worth it!
We are in wedding season now. Thankfully we did not take a huge amount of weddings because Luke is also working full time at the church. But it's still a full time job. So two full time jobs, 3 kids, a cat, building a house, and we live in a camper. HA! And you know just living life can seem like too much sometimes! Am I right?! I feel like I'm on one of those torture stretcher things from the old days! All my limbs going in different directions, all the while I'm over here going, "I am going to find joy in this!"...HAHAHAHA. That was a crazy laugh.
There have been lots of little blessings along the way and I know that we will get through this and be better for it all. Yeah, yeah. That's how I feel about it today. On top of it all a butt load of family stuff is going on that feels like it will bury me alive. Thank Jesus for Jesus!
But what I can't get out of my head or heart is this... Don't let this time pass you by Brit! Don't do it! SOOO with that said I keep telling myself to shut up and figure it out :) When I am all cozy in my new house and the kids are off to school and all that, what will I think? Will I look back and say, like I have so many times before, why didn't I just enjoy that time and make the best of it while I was in it?! I feel like I really have tried and it's still been hard, and that's the truth.
I just keep thinking that maybe if we only had one job
or a real bed
or one door
or if the camper was just a little bit bigger
But I guess that all these things keep me from seeing where I am, and what I do have! I have high expectations and great goals for when we move into our house. Like more babies lol. But for now this is where I am.
OK so maybe what I need to learn is that finding my peace in Him, is not about my situation or circumstances.
It's not about if my parents are divorced or not.
It's not about if I am liked or have friends.
It's not about where I live or who I live with even.
It's not about having a lot or a little.
It's not about a small space or a big space.
It's not about feeling afraid or unwanted by those around me.
It's not about whether I am smart, creative, unique, or understood.
The best or the worst.
I can see it now or at least a glimpse, it's finding my peace, my safe place, my right mind, my quite place in Him. I can see the picture in my mind...
There I am, all is around me scary and crazy, all so uncertain and seemingly unsafe. He (Jesus) walks up to me waits for me to give Him the OK, the go ahead, to do as He pleases. He quickly wraps His arms with His long over sized robe around me. You see my long hair flow out and my small feet at the bottom. You can see His face buried in the top of my head. His beard rubs against my face only a little because He is taller than I. The dust and darkness rage on all around us. I can hear it, I know it's there, but He shields me from it's full affects. I hear His heart beat and feel His warmth. I know that He loves this even more than I do, and that, that is where my peace lies. He whispers the truth and only the truth in my ear, not afraid of a single thing. He holds it all and holds me, I am at peace.