The Mind of a Heart that Wants to Change the World

If I were to dive into this completely. If I were to dive completely into this life, everyday life, so deep, letting it engulf me like the ocean so strong and heavy, would I lose the one? Or would I finally notice the one?

If I were to love simple every day life more than the desire to change the world, would I lose the chance to save the orphan, to make a difference beyond myself? Would it make me so self centered that I would make all excuses to never stop and help the helpless? 

If I choose to only embrace the here and now, the simplicity of my life, and no one else's, what will become of the helpless?

Not that my one voice makes the world go round, or that I have profoundly helped the helpless in my life time, but if every voice and heart were to be silenced, to be stilled, there would be no voice, no heart at all! 

Do I simply say the weight is too much, the burden too overwhelming. 

Have I let my desire to stop for the one keep me from actually obtaining such a noble venture?! 

I refuse to make no time for the orphan in my heart and soul and mind. I hate lame excuses, and that includes them all! 

I also do not want to lose what is here and now, right in front of me. I refuse with a strong heart to not see the blessings that are within touching reach because I miss those that are too far to even see in my minds eye. 

I do not want to miss this, and I do not want to sit back and let my arm and hand be too cold and too short. 

I love to sit and look at my daughter while she sleeps. I see how she loves those around her, and I am in awe. My heart skips a beat when my Judah crawls in bed with me and asks if he can snuggle. My world is light and beautiful every time my Blue says "Mommy I lovb you!". Yet when I look at them I remember and dream of those who do not have what we have. Who sit with tears and pain, knowing that this beautiful family that I have been blessed with is the answer, the key, the magic, the medicine that a broken heart and life needs! 

This is the civil war within my everyday life. When I walk the halls of my house and when I play with my babies at the park. When I look at my husband I see a daddy who would do wonders for a lil life, and I see the same war within his eyes. 

The truth is I have never felt at home here. I probably never will. This leaves me dissatisfied and that can lead to being ungrateful. I don't want that! I am so blessed and I love my little family more than words that I obtain could express. 

I want to run wildly, freely, never looking back. I want to sit here and hold you, never letting you go. I want to take you far from this place and all that it "offers" with dark blinding clouds around it! I long with a deafening cry, to show you more than just your self and this world, but the value of a single life. Oh, my children that you would give of yourself to love another, and in return find love in it purest. Oh the tears that fill my heart to think that you would never know opening your heart, your home, your space to a little one in such desperate need. That your heart would obtain the alternate selfishness of not loving the orphan. The war within myself- am I even doing this? Am I even teaching you this? Not with just my words, God please forbid it! But with the actions of my hands, and life.  

I know this is just one of the many processes of motherhood. We each have our own based on our own heart cry. I will be in the constant pursuit to learn to love, the great news is that Jesus teaches me with a strong and gentle hand, a heart that never falters.

“Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot,
Nothing is going to get better. It's not.”

All Photo's I got from my Pinterest. You can follow me HERE. 

"If the day and the night are such that you greet them with joy, and life emits a fragrance like flowers and sweet-scented herbs, is more elastic, more starry, more immortal- that is your success." 
- Henry David Thoreau, Walden 


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