What if we lived like we knew the outcome and trusted Him like that?! With complete trust! How much worry and fear would we NOT have to live with?
How do you write down an experience that when it came, changed your life forever, and then truly express how you felt? This is the experience of having a child. I deeply believe that this experience changes you, in what ever way that beautiful life comes to you. Each of my children and their births brought something new and challenging to my heart and my way of life. A daughter and a son, their birth order and my own personal struggles and surroundings when they were born, have made these births each their own.
A daughter, my second daughter, my fourth child, my fourth pregnancy. My last child, born and grown from me.
My Zion Revival, My Zion Arielle Revival
I had to fight a lot of nerves and fears with this pregnancy. I had to truly and completely learn to trust the promises that Jesus had spoken to me. I had to trust His words, the dreams of warning, that I did not fully understand and give it to Him. The truth is, up until the last moments I was simply trusting Him based on a love we have had over my years with Him, with MY Jesus. Putting all the disappointment, and all the situations unresolved out of my fearful, bitter mind and trust His love.
" Make glade the soul of your servant,
For to You, O Lord, I lift up my soul.
For You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive.
And abundant in loving kindness to all who call upon You."
The facts. Oh the facts of a birth story. Like any good story told by 4 different people you will get 4 different stories. So here is Zion's birth story from my perspective. Her due date was April 6th. I was feeling more anxious than I have ever felt to have her. Don't get me wrong, I am always MORE than ready by the time my due date rolls around to have my baby, but this time it was compounded. I was afraid that I would not be able to have a home birth either. Jesus loves me and it all worked out and I was able to have my baby girl at home. I know that this is a blessing and that I have been truly blessed to have been given this privilege and I don't take it lightly. Also Hadassah and Judah's birthdays are only two weeks apart and little Zi was due in the middle. I really wanted her to be born on her own day. That being said I obviously had no control over her coming, but was not opposed to trying natural things to try and help her along.
The week went by and a lot of my cervix mucus came and and the cervix got thinner. She got lower. She was already really low. The pressure was a lot!! On April 6th, her due date, I started feeling a little bit of action so I did a little more of all those things I listed above to try and "encourage" some real labor. At 10:30 am I took half a dose of castor oil to also try and encourage the labor that I was having. NOTE: I only did that with the permission of my midwife.
That night, the 6th, at 11:30pm the contractions started to get stronger and closer together. I got up did a few things and then tried to sleep again. After about an hour I could not sleep any more. I woke Luke and we started to time them. They got to be about 2 minutes apart so we called my midwife. Luke told her all that had gone on and so she came. Later we called my friend who was taking pictures too. I labored but then around 6am all the action stopped. I was about a 4 or 5. I had to send everyone home and I was so embarrassed, but I was not going to force her if she was not ready. So everyone went home and we all went to bed.
When we woke up Luke's mom watched the kids and Luke took me out to get some spicy food and walk around the mall. Also, sometimes getting out and away helps calm you and give you some peace. I came home, took a bath and a nap. Then I got up for dinner and as I walked down stairs, fighting the feeling of utter disappointment, I had a really strong contraction. By the time dinner was over, at like 6:30pm, they were getting closer and closer. I went upstairs to my room to see if the contractions were the real thing. By 7:30 pm I knew they were. The contractions picked right back up from where they had left off. They were so intense because they did not slowly build back up, like they do when you start from the beginning at a 1 or 2. They started and very soon I was in transition. BAM!
Everyone got there around 8 or so and I had her at 10:39 pm. I had a great birth pool that a friend let me use, and I labored in it for awhile. Laboring in the water made my transition less painful for sure! I wanted to have her in the water, but the polyp on my cervix kept me from going all the way to a 10. I was having contractions that should have taken me to a 10 but when I would feel her head after my contraction I could still feel the same amount of it. So I had to get out of the birth pool so that my amazing midwife could help. Now with Levi's birth my midwife had to do the same thing for me that I am about to describe.
My midwife manually helped push my cervix out of the way while I pushed the baby's head past my cervix. Sounds easy right?! Ha hurts like HELL!! BUT it worked and I was then able to push her out. And thus another reason why I love midwives!
While on my bed in my room with my two oldest children, Luke's mom, some of my closest friends, and holding on to the neck of the love of my life, I pushed out our fourth child, our second daughter, a promise The Lord had spoken to me five years ago. Zion came out of my body and into our arms and lives. This moment, this moment makes all the pain, all the wait, everything worth it. This moment is the reward of the pain of labor and it's the BEST moment.
It's why I think that it is important to feel the pain of labor. Because it is just like all the rest of motherhood. It can be hard, so hard that you think you have failed and can't possibly do it right. But the reward is so great!
As I held her I realized that her cord was pulling really tight. Once we got her placenta out we realized how short her cord was. Thus praise the Lord that her placenta had been so low in the beginning or I may not have been able to push her out. We go through things to learn, I have learned to trust The Lord in a whole new way, I am still trying to figure out exactly what that looks like.
The moments after she was born, as I held her and we all swooned over her, the tears and laughter, those moments are my favorite in life. In the mist of the blood and pain we find love, beauty and the very things that bind us together.
Zion I love you so very much and you were, and are worth it all!
I love you baby, love mama.
These past 4 months with her have been so sweet. She is a light of sunshine and joy in our world. She smiles at everyone and is as sweet as honey. Her nick names so far are Z, Zi and Honey girl. Blue calls her "Ion". Life is sweet. Thank you to all who have loved on us these past few months. A lot, A lot has happened and my family and friends have been a sweet surprise to my heart! I love you all.