His Needs Her Needs: A Marriage Journey

April 6, 2015

I used to think that you had to be an expert, fully accomplished in order to share something. While I may still be inclined to think that there's some truth in that I also think the journey can be just as important. 
Sometimes seeing the process of getting to the road of success can be more helpful than just seeing the end of someones road of success.

 On the road to success or completion, the process can be messy, it can be hard, it can be bumpy, you can want to throw your hands up and say I I give up, I give in and walking away seems like the only option at times. All those things that go into hardship are all the things that also go into success. So many times, about so many things, even things going on right now in my life, I have thought, "Can I really do this?" The truth is I hate taking no for an answer and I hardly believe that you can't do something.

My core belief in life is this: If you give your life to The Lord, work your booty butt off, have love, forgiveness and willingness in your heart, you really can do all things through Christ who gives you the strength, all things.

So I've decided to share a little bit of my journey with you. His needs her needs. It's a book that actually my dad recommended to me to read. If someone would have asked me about my marriage I would've said, "I am one of the luckiest people alive- I have a beautiful marriage and I'm so in love and he is in love with me."

And why this is still true I have found by reading this book that even we have huge things that need working on and development because something beautiful and purposeful takes learning and growing and hard work. 

When we compare what we have to something that's not right or not doing good then we are not comparing it to the best, the example, therefore we're just settling for the least. But when we compare what we have to the best, instead of letting it spur in us jealousy, it should spur us on to making what we have better and more beautiful.  

We do not change ourselves because someone has forced us or someone has commanded us to, instead we change ourselves for love. Changing ourselves to make ourselves better, changing ourselves to make those who are around us better.I will change myself for those that I love, I will work on the areas of my life that are rough and not so pretty, I will change myself for Christ, I will change myself for my husband, I will change myself or my children. I'm not changing the core of who I am because that part they love, but the parts of me that need to be worked on, so that I can  grow  to become a person who loves more, so that in return I  can help them to become people who love more. 

So with all that said I would like to take you on this His Needs Her Needs journey with me. Here's the deal, a few things should be said up front before we get started. 

1: Wives this is not for you to read and become jealous and bitter towards your husbands, but to grow in love and respect for them. 
2: Husbands this is not a way for you to get more sex by right or demand, but by earning it with respect and receiving it from a wife who wants to give it to you. 
3: This is going to take two, so you need to have humility, forgiveness, and willingness in your heart and attitude. 


So we started by printing off the questionnaire, go HERE to print one for each of you separately, it's a lot of pages but I believe it's important to have them to look back over till you got it. We filled them out separately and then read each others quietly and then discussed it with each other out loud. 

Be prepared for a fight or argument or disagreement over at least a few of the questions. That's ok. That is normal. You are two people becoming one, learning to work together. Just follow through to the end, be solution oriented, not problem oriented. You can state your needs, your fears, your desires, your dislikes, BUT with the mindset and heart to meet in the middle somewhere. Be prepared in both your minds and heart to give each other a safe place to be completely honest with each other. Being honest can be hard to say and or hard to hear, but it is always the road to a long lasting safe relationship. 

I recommend doing the questionnaire before you read the book because I know Luke and I stopped and referenced back a lot, as we were reading the stories and such, to us personally. It really helped us to apply it to our marriage. 


Here is another link that lists the main needs of a woman and of a man. These will vary from person to person but these are the typical ones. 

Oh and buy the book or download and print off the e-book HERE

So we are only a few chapters in and are slowly working our way through it. Putting tools in our tool box. 
Can't wait to go on this journey with you! 




Love


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