It's been to long since I sat down and just wrote. Life simply just goes by at the blink of an eye. All the while you are growing more and more and being stretched further and further.
Today is July 3, 2016. In November right after Thanksgiving a dream that we had fought so hard for and lost so much for, on the journey of getting to where we are now, came true. We, Luke and I, together stood on a stage and were both ordained as pastors by our church family that we love. Honestly we both had let it go. We were focused on our family and just walking in obedience, on that journey a community was birthed and I couldn't be more blessed by them or more in love with their hearts.
In early February we felt like it was time to move. Based on some dreams that we had, time in prayer and our needs as a growing family and company.
I in no way shape or form was ready. Last year almost killed me, not to mention the years before that were not a walk in the park with all sunshine and rainbows. I cried and yet knew it was time. My heart felt like a heavy, sleepy rock in my chest. I looked at the Lord and told Him, " You know! I know you do, I can't do much but trust you at this point, so hold me with care." He knows.
Looking for a house was not has fun as it once had been. I was tired, I am tired. Yet, I knew He had a plan and that He was in control. I cried a lot more. Even threw a plate of food at Luke, once in all my stress and tension ( I mostly got it on myself ha).
Yet, (once again) I felt myself learning to walk in obedience and faith in a whole new way. I actually felt more chill, and less stressed than in the past ( whew ).
This time I still did not learn fully how to not sweat the process, that's the hardest one, but I did learn that I do not have to fear the end result.
You see we had always walked in faith and obedience, we knew that was not an opinion, not for us, but we did it riding a fence. Yeah it felt like it sounds. We made a decision, a choice, to follow Him with trust. We remembered all He had done before. Was there pain in the past? Yes. Was there hard, hard times in the past? Yes. Were there times where we had debt and only pennies in the bank or none at all so we over drafted? Yes. But we kept listening closely, to Him, we kept trying to humble ourselves before Him, and do the hard thing just because He said too. And with out fail He has always gotten us through it.
I have cried many tears, lost many nights sleep, and had to do the hard thing that one one else would do. It has been lonely, hard, and painful. But, He is more faithful than I could ever be and His reward is great. He has taught me on this journey to have a confidence I never thought I could.
We moved into our new house in May and we closed on our old house July 1st. I learned a lot about trusting Him and walking out hard things with Him. But the greatest lesson I am walking away with, after all that we have been through in the last few years, even months, is that all the beauty and all the pain are all so intertwined that you have to make a choice, an every day, every minute choice to see the beauty, the love, and the joy or the hardship of life will swallow up your life, you and everything you love, with one bite.
You cannot have the good with out the hard, and you definitely can't have the great with out the pain.