Africa Part 2

November 20, 2014


This moment was my single favorite moment of the trip. I cannot look at this without crying. In that moment it was like only 5 others in my life. Marring Luke and having each of my babies.



The first site that I saw in Africa was from the plane. We were over the Ocean and then came up over the land, through the clouds I saw the first site of a dream. It was beautiful and I cried. A thankful cry came out of my heart to The Lord for this gift.

Like any dream built up over to many years it was not the perfect picture perfect dream. Things went too fast and so on and so on...  At first I let the disappointments over shadow the whole trip. Asking the Lord why and letting my heart be numb. So I have not jumped too quickly to tell of the trip or draw my final conclusions. Wisdom from The Lord.

I got to go to Africa! After waiting almost my entire life, I got to go to Africa! the people that we stayed with while there, that live there, are some of the most wise and inspiring people I have ever met! Just knowing them will forever change my life, all of the wisdom that they have and I will learn from them; priceless.  I got to kiss African ground, hug African people, breath African air and sleep under her stars and moon.

The beauty of Africa has forever stolen my heart, as I knew it would. I found a peace and a part of my heart I thought I never would.

This trip was just the first step, a stepping stone in a life long journey. For that I am beyond thankful!

I planned on journaling everyday and moment that I could to take it all in. But being a mother comes first right now. It's all stored in my mind and heart, somewhere.



















Top our first night
bottom my first site of Africa 







I  asked the Lord a long time ago to make sure that my kids always loved Him and walked with Him. That He would help me to give them all they needed to be the people that He created them to be. If that means that I need to be more focused on them, and more intentional with them, then yes and amen. I don't have any more words or answers beyond that. I don't know the timing or perfect ways to do this, any of this. I know that I want to be wholly possessed by God, I want to stay married and be in-love till I die, I want my kids and I to have good relationship and for them to know the beautiful and loving and living God all their days, and I want Africa and 30 million orphans (no less).

I have big dreams, a wounded heart, and a little body. But I love the only God and He is HUGE. What more can I do other than to wait on Him? What better plan can I have other than to try and follow Him with my whole self, faith, and obedience?

A song comes to mind, can you guess it?
Let it go, let it go.... Can't hold me back anymore!!!!

















I kissed the ground. 













When I think back on Africa, I remember beauty and peace, stillness and quiet. I also remember need, more need than one heart can bear. Yet they each bear and live in it every day. I have always been able to process most things at least somewhat, pretty quickly, which then helped the rest to quickly follow. This time I can't seem to find myself, my words, not even my emotions. Being a mother, in a way, has done this. Being a wife, in a way, has done this. Both are beautiful, both are dreams come true. Also, both have consumed me in all the best and hardest ways. We all find a part of ourselves in what we are doing, what we are called to, what our passions are, and what we find good and beautiful. I believe that these things are good, beautiful, and right to an extent. Yet my heart, spirit, and soul long to be found in such a deeper, more permanent place. Perhaps the Living God? Even the words make my soul, spirit, and heart scream out YES!

Going to Africa made me realize more than ever that it is not about "going to Africa", it's not about my "calling". It is about being wholly possessed by God. It is about being where He has me in each moment, so that in those moments I can be a living sacrifice, pleasing and acceptable to Him.

Being in Africa felt good, easy, and peaceful to me. At the same time, my heart was shocked into numbness by the need and beauty of it all. I realized I ran on more flesh than Spirit, my constant communion with God is not constant- and that is my first calling, to be more filled with Him. I have spent way to much time being everywhere else.

Why did God let Moses stay in the desert for 40 years before He sent him back to Egypt?  I wait for the word of the Lord and His timing and power.






The Slum School


































Oh how I struggle with feeling completely selfish in this time. Yet I know that my kids and this family are so very important and my gift from the Lord, as well as Africa. I literally Love Africa and it's beautiful people.

I think that this will end up being a 4 part series, this being the second and HERE being the first.

I hope that I am actually putting into words what I am feeling and what I feel the Lord is thinking...These maybe the hardest posts I have ever written in trying to convey how I feel.

Thank you for going on this journey with me
love
B

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2 comments:

  1. Geez girly.... this was by far the most power post I've read in a long time. There's a lot of rawness going on and its beautiful. There is nothing more inspiring to people than the acceptance of imperfection and the evidence of truth growth. This warmed my heart in many ways. And I agree... absolutely no less than 30 million orphans! 😉

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  2. I loved seeing your vsco cam updates for this.
    I am so glad you were finally able to go and that the Lord blessed your time there.

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